What I learned from my deepest depression
I recently had a pretty intense experience where I was in a dark place and I wonder if you can relate.
It felt like the world was closing in: everything was so busy and overwhelming, I couldn’t feel joy or inspiration, I felt heavy and despairing. It seemed like everything was wrong and I would never get out
I’ve felt this way many times before, and have learned over the years how to move beyond this more and more fluidly and quickly. I’ve also learned long ago not to believe any of it, no matter how “real” it seems, which I don’t.
In the past I would remind myself that this was just a haze and I didn’t need to buy in, that I could breathe and bring in light and let it dissolve…and it would. But this time, it was heavier, denser, more persistent, and even darker.
I started to fear I would never get “beyond it” this time. No matter what I told myself, I could not see my way out.
Through sharing what I was feeling with my husband (who is a seriously incredible listener,) it lifted. Witnessing and sharing it with him allowed it all to release.
The shame and fear that had prevented me from doing that sooner is what made it so persistent. I thought if I kept it inside, it would not grow. It would not be “real.” That just gave it strength and kept me in distress battling against this energy.
When I refused to buy into the “wrongness” of what I was feeling, I could just share it, and it dissolved.
But the part I wanted to share about wasn’t just that.
It’s what I realized about our emotions and how they can ANCHOR us into darkness.
When we feel anger, despair, hurt, or any emotion, and BUY INTO the ideas that go along with it (like “there is something wrong with me; I shouldn’t feel this!”) we are wide open for all the other energies and ideas that match this frequency.
It’s like we’re an energy SPONGE and we suck up all the negativity around us that is a match for that lower frequency.
For me it felt like a dark entity coming on board to hijack my system.
Just that thought alone was scary, like it had an energy of its own! (It doesn’t!)
The way I responded was to remember “I am in charge, I am powerful” and “I determine where and how this goes.”
I remembered I am always resourced.
Even though I didn’t know how to open to something higher, how to let this go, I stayed present to the knowing that somehow, I DO have all I need, and it IS all okay.
Yes, it was hard. I didn’t like it. But I chose to resonate with something higher AND to let myself feel and express the darkest, deepest yucky stuff I was feeling. I let myself be SEEN in the icky place I had found myself in.
THIS is what has us no longer be a “host” to those dark vampire-like energies. We are no longer resonating at that frequency because we don’t buy in AND we’re willing to be seen and not shame ourselves into shutting down!
I’m free not because I don’t feel bad sometimes, not because I’m perfect and not susceptible to lower-frequency thoughts….but because I CHOOSE to love myself through them, to not buy into what the thoughts say, to let myself be SEEN because I know I’m beautiful in all of it.
-and because I was willing to celebrate myself in this space (and not hide it or fight against it), this beautiful man who served as a catalyst for my awakening could receive me and be there for me too.
If you’ve struggled with anxiety or depression, it’s okay to stop fighting, to stop hiding, to remember WHO YOU ARE and let yourself be free.
If you’d like to go deeper with this, I created the MindBody Solution for Anxiety to assist!!
***In this program, I bring you through a profound 4- week integration to release old patterns of fight-or-flight, and enter prosperity, ease, and allow massive healing.
(I love this program because we went REEEALLY deep in the calls, and you will do the transmutive work along with us in the recordings! It’s very powerful!!)
Here is what participants had to say about the MindBody Solution for Anxiety…
“For anyone who’s thinking about doing this program: Do it! It is amazing and life changing! I have reversed and resolved long-term fear issues. In a matter of minutes I have gone from despair to healthy, excited and alive. Thank you Dr. Kim!” – Liz Jutras
“I had tried literally everything. THIS got me off thousands of dollars of supplements and ended my fatigue and anxiety!” – Joan Norton
If you’ve been struggling, or even just feeling disconnected, I invite you to SHARE with someone you love, or with yourself, what’s really going on inside you?
Let it OUT! You don’t need to be afraid or ashamed.
Share with a friend, or just at least share with yourself and journal.
Share in the MindBody Community if that resonates.
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